I was informed today that someone I knew since college and assumed to be one of my good friends dislikes me. Apparently, I offended her 5 years ago and she stopped talking to me for that reason. I realized she stopped returning my calls during that time, but thought she was too busy for me or that she doesn't want to hangout with a married with children girl. Sometimes I would joke around when I tell people we don't keep in touch is because she was jealous of my life style. (Married with children... It is such a glamorous life, as some of you ladies might know. The unwashed hair with food in it, the stains on the clothes, the chipped up nails with too much cleaning... etc.)
Well, I found out today that she stopped talking to me because I called her fat. I don't remember ever calling her fat, but I never said she wasn't, either. I do remember something I talked to her about the last time we REALLY talked.
Before I tell about what I said I need to tell you a little about me. I come from a home where we tell each other the truth. They don't sugar coat anything. My parents are like that. My dad once time told me I sang like "a cat in great pain." My mom constantly told me I need to lose weight. Do you think they did it to hurt my feelings, no they thought they were helping. They love me and they want the best for me. Yes, I had low self esteem with my mom's constant nagging, but I thought my dad was funny. You know the difference between my mom and dad. My dad only said that once to me, but my mom nagged me about my weight all the time. (Don't worry about me, because look at me now. I also had people in my life who told me I was a "beautiful daughter of God.")
I like people telling me the truth even if it hurts my feelings. I rather know the truth, then having lies told to me.
Well, I learned that if you love someone you need to tell them the truth. So to all the people out there that I tell you "like it is" I LOVE YOU. I also tell you how awesome you are, too. Yes, you are a child of God and he loves you, too.
The first time I started being friends with Chad, my husband, I told him he needed a makeover. I told him he needed a hair cut and what kind of clothes he should wear. Did he get offended, no. He got some docker flat front pants and he got a hair cut. Too bad I don't have a before picture. :) (Oh honey, you were handsome before, just not with pleated pants and that long piece of hair that you wrapped around your head.) Hey he must not have mind, because he fell in love with me anyways.
I told a friend that I thought her couch was dirty, but I sat on it anyways. Just stating a fact, not doing it in disgust. That is why she likes me. Ask Ms. Heather Sprague and she will tell you that story and how that is why she loves me. :)
This is me and if I can't be me around you, then I don't hang around you very often.
The girl, the friend, was always so eager to get married. (Oh maybe I shouldn't say that, it might offend her. Well, this is my story I am going to say how I felt at the time.) Like I said she was very motivated to find a husband. She would always have these high standards. She always picked these gorgeous guys (that was the only thing I knew about them). She would make friends with them (she always said she liked how Chad and I was friends first) and then think they have feelings for her. She would devote all this time with that one guy, but only to be let down. This is what I saw and felt at the time, but I could be wrong.
I wanted to help her and make her see that shooting too high is not always the right thing. I cared about her and I wanted the best for her. I told her, "Most guys only care about the outside appearances and they only want skinny girls." Then I said something about how boys are very superficial. I just wanted her to lower her expectations a little bit. (Yes, she is a bit overweight, but so am I and I know how hard it is lose weight. After the nagging from my mom I do have a weight complex. Do you guys see how hard I workout?) Personality and character is important on a person, but not looks. We can all agree that looks are never going last. We all are going to change, no one will stay in their prime forever.
I don't remember every detail of the conversation, but that is when I offended her. She in turn stops returning my calls and stops talking to me. I just thought we were better friends than that. Never in the conversation did I say, "You are fat and I think you are no good." I love her and I hope she could see what I was trying to do.
If I have offended anyone, please know that I was only trying to help. I just thought you might not know that your couch was dirty. rehehe
Also remember the good things I said about you, because I say those too.
Give me the respect of telling me the truth, because you know I will do that for you.
P.S. She got offended that I asked her to babysit. Said I was flouting my family life in her face. OMG - I just needed a babysitter and everyone was unavailable and I thought I might give her a shot. I really wanted to go to that wedding. Needless to say she hasn't talked to me since then. About 2 weeks ago.